An Ideal Space

At the advice of Nora, I am starting an intellectual (read: not a gossip column, per se) blog, hopefully about writing. Yes, I ripped my title off an Oscar Wilde play (An Ideal Husband).

27 December 2005

Christmas!


Well, I have recovered from my grinchness that I acquired the two weeks before christmas to have a lovely, wonderful christmas and days after. I managed to have the best christmas ever, receiving my dream gift of a digital camera that is so very cool(so if I don't post for a month, you'll know I switched my major to photography), a beautiful smelling and looking leather-bound journal handmade in Florence, and also finally being able to gain access to all of the stories that I wrote in the last few weeks of my time in Italy, including my writing portfolio, and basically, anything even remotely good that I've ever written. I haven't started the editing and lengthening process yet (yes, they may become books yet), but will soon, when I am back in Boston (currently in NY), and I will out them in my portfolio on writing.com (the url for my page is listed somewhere on this page, in I think my first or second blog). Wow, I think that could qualify for another long sentence piece, although the grammar is basically awful. Well, I probably won't check in until I'm back at my dear little laptop in Beantown, but then again, I may just check in later today, after seeing The Lion, the Witch, and the Wardrobe. Ciao!

22 December 2005

Stepford



I wrote this piece earlier this year, and its definitely a work in progress. It does need some serious help, including the name of a particular road that I just sorta left out, and an ending. It just sorta stops.

Someday I’ll remember that I was twenty years old the day I realized that I lived in Stepford. Small, sleepy little Millbrook was Stepford in the flesh. Millbrook was a perfect little town, manicured lawns, no trash cans anywhere, a Sotheby’s in the center of town right across from the local deli which had been family owned forever. Millbrook was a place where people lived on roads like Elm Drive and Weatherford Lane or Ciferri Drive (named after our mayor, who had been mayor for as long as I can remember), and it had its own castle, Wing’s Castle, somewhat of a legend in its own right. That day, as I drove around waiting for the blue jeep to leave the cemetery where my father would be for the rest of time, I looked around at our little town. We refused to let McDonalds invade us because we felt that it would ruin the effect of our little town; that it would look tacky. We got a Stewarts instead.

I drove past the cemetery and turned right onto the road that goes past the golf course. On the right, a woman dressed in all white stood teeing off with an instructor standing between her and the golf cart. I had had a few friends in high school who had worked there, at the Millbrook golf and tennis club. They had been

babysitters and bartenders, entering the world of the rich, the pristine, the all-white-wearing, suburban-driving population of Millbrook. On the left was a beautiful old handmade stone wall encasing a large field. I drove past the rotary that has always confused new drivers; it had some historical commemoration significance, I was pretty sure, but I didn’t know what. I had always tried to drive past it as fast as I could without hitting the brakes at all. I guess they finally caught on, because there were yield signs in place that had not been there before. Right past the rotary was the nursery school that my brothers and I and many of our school friends attended. My mother worked there for a few years after my younger brother was born. It was a really good school; it drew interest from people like Liam Neeson and Natasha Richardson. Further on and set back from the road, but still within easy viewing, was Bennett College; a haunted house if I have ever seen one. It hadn’t been used in years, and had fallen into disrepair, but it was still one of the most beautiful buildings I had ever seen. Some years back, there was interest in fixing it up, making it a historical landmark or restoring its college status. The project was dropped because the cost was too high, so Bennett College continues to sit on top of the hill, decaying.

I made a right at the light, drove past the farm on the left, the massage therapy place on the right. One of the three Millbrook cops is generally sitting on the side of the road on that stretch, so I made sure I was within the speed limit. I was officially in the village when I reached the town square of sorts, where people came to play Frisbee with their dogs. There was one out there, a little one, white and brown, on a leash. On the left was the Tribute Gardens, also known as the park. It had been pretty shitty when I went there as a child; you always got stains on your pants when you went down the curly slide, the small pool under the bridge was always either covered in algae or completely drained with leaves mucking up the corners. There was a black metal bar that ran the length of the pool; it was a challenge to climb hand over hand across the bar without falling in, but I never did fall. I guess the incentive of not falling into the green goop that generally covered the water was enough to keep me firmly attached to the bar. If you jumped on the bridge over the pool with someone else, you could feel it shake, despite it being a concrete bridge. It still shakes, but they cleaned up the little pool—it never has algae or leaves anymore, and there’s even a little stream that feeds into the pool now. A few years ago they also replaced all of the old playground equipment at the top of the park, they put sand down, and sidewalks in between.

I made a left on Main Street, past the large brick “friendly hometown bank” where I had both a checking and a savings account, and the post office, zip code 12545. I turned right at the newspaper offices for the Millbrook Round Table. It was a large two story building that clearly used to be a house, but had been converted years ago. There were tall bushes, eight feet or so, lining the sidewalk by the offices. I drove past the ever-inefficient DMV, and made a quick left onto Elm Drive. There are a few houses on the left before the elementary school looms out on the right. It holds kindergarteners through second graders, and is named after the road its on, thus creating Elm Drive Elementary School. The houses past the school are beautiful two story houses with mowed front lawns and trees in bloom: green leaves, purple, pink and white flowers; bushes lined the edges of yards, swings hung from trees. I drove around the school, to the back, where the playground, baseball diamond and basketball court are. The little kids never use the basketball court for basketball, or the baseball diamond for baseball. The town baseball league uses the diamond in the spring, but otherwise it’s a kickball field for gym class on nice days. Past the school are the town tennis courts, and a gazebo. There was a couple playing tennis, a blonde woman and a shirtless man, both in their early thirties. They probably have an honor roll high school student babysitting their first child. A few years ago I could have been that student. Soon I could be half of that couple.

I turned left onto .Houses lined the street, even bigger two story houses than on Elm Drive. I made another left onto Haight Drive, where an older lady was taking a walk. There was a family named Haight that I remember from my childhood, I wonder if it was named after them. I turned right onto Weatherford Lane, but had to do a three point turn before I reached the cul-de-sac where a couple of kids were skateboarding and riding a bike. I went back, past Haight Drive, to Ciferri Drive, which I took back into the heart of the village, away from the residential Stepfordness of that section of town.

Incensed

Very few things irk me more than writers who acheive success when they don't deserve it. And after reading Nora's blog (www.waitingforwords.blogsopt.com) about Dan Brown, I'm somewhat beyond irked, possibly even at the point of incensed. It seems that the art of producing good literature that is actually read by the modern reading public has been lost somewhere along the way after the invention of television. However, just because an auther caters to the masses absolutely DOES NOT mean that they have to offer up badly written crap. Dan Brown (whom I'm stealing from Nora): check out Nora's blog. Enough said. On the other side of the novelist fence: Ms. J.K. Rowling. Here is a woman who has written internationally bestselling books, even more so than Dan Brown (I admit, I haven't checked figures to make sure this is accurate, but we all know it is anyway.) She absolutely caters to the masses, but does so in an intelligent, very engaging fashion. Her books transcend age: everyone from my octageniarian (and then some) grandmother to my twelve year old brother reads her books. I am an english major since birth, and I adore them. My roommmate who isn't even in college loves them. However, although her books are read by highly varying age and social groups, none feel as if she were writing in a manner specifically for a certain age or intelligence level. Her books are well written, and deserve all of the acclaim they have received. I realize this may be the least intellectual of all my blogs (I certainly hope it is), but it is an issue that the world must address. I propose a book burning of all Dan Brown's book, and a restraining order against Dan Brown on any means of writing another book.

19 December 2005

Molds

"A perfect statue never comes from a bad mold." So basically ugly people should never reproduce.


Okay, before I'm labeled the most horrible, un-P.C. person ever, I was probably about 14 or 15 when I said the latter half of the above to comment on the former: a line from a fortune cookie. I said it without thinking, just a first reaction kinda thing. The only reason I thought of it today was because I was thinking about molds that people seem to fit into.

Its shameful to admit, but I was watching Elimidate about an hour ago...there was a cute 25 year old artist going out with four women who had children. Three were older, one was younger, but all had at least one child. The young one was very typical 22, she spoke her mind and looked like an idiot in comparison with the older women. She was naive, inexperienced, and did not have the wisdom that comes from age. The next one, "the blue one", was stereotypical 'nervous mom', shy, afraid of the cameras, blushing and laughing too much. The third was a middle-aged hairdresser with bleach blonde spiked hair and too much eyeliner. She was funky, freaky, fearless, and everything you would expect of a middle aged-hairdresser-single mother. The fourth and final lady (who won) was a voluptuous beauty who talked about her daughter every chance she got. At 44, she had the experience of time, as well the experience of a 13 year old daughter. There was truth to all her statements. At the end of the show, I reminisced, and noticed how easily they all fell into their molds: the old-souled artist, the boisterous but inexperienced youth, the shy one, the fearless one, and the wise and beautiful one. Of course, I realize that it is tv, and editing makes it possible to shed people in a certain light, but I never seem to be able to find a mold that I fit in.

Somewhere along the same lines, my friends and roommates and I often try to classify ourselves as certain characters in tv shows: everyone seems to be able to decide if they are a Carrie, a Miranda, a Charlotte, or a Sam. I never could. Recently, my roommates and I have been watching "The L Word". We all decided tha Nicky is Tina, Cecelia is Bette, and Katie is Alice. Once again, I didn't fit into a mold. Katie saw me as a minor character, Francesca, who I swore I was nothing like. The others had no opinions on the subject. I'm not sure if I am worried or not about not fitting into a mold. Its supposed to be good, being unique and original, but who can you trust to set you on the right path if there is no one quite like you? Who's advice can you follow? My wonderfully sweet and totally clueless brother tried to help me out with my college career and the debt I will shortly be finding myself in: join the airforce. He joined the service, and it was absolutely the right choice for him. Therefore, he recommends it to all who are mired in one spot with no place to go. He can't understand how I live as a college student, and he can't understand why I refuse to join the military to relieve myself of any financial or other suffering that I have because of college.

I try to find role models, and people whose careers or paths in life are ones that I might want to follow. I haven't found one yet. I've found many that embody different aspects of life, but never anything close to someone who has done what I want to do. Going back to my thoughts onlife from yesterday, is it possible to be someone or to do something entirely new? And if it is possible, why the hell am I the one who is supposed to do it?

Thoughts about Whatever

Why is it that you don’t know your own limits until you surpass them? Why can’t you realize them when you hit them and then just stop there?

(The above is) another of my thoughts on life. Unfortunately, the rest of them are pretty much downhill from there, all about music, love, and/or drinking. While I'm thinking of it, I'm going to advertise for myself; I have an online portfolio at http://Writing.Com/authors/sweetpea3025, which you should all definitely check out. For those of you unacquainted with writing.com, with the site you can share a 5 piece portfolio and other members of the site can read your work and give you feedback. Its pretty cool, I've gotten a ton of really good feedback on my work (which is currently less than stellar).

I can't think of anything specific to write about, but at the advice of one of my past mentors, Nicole, I am going to freewrite about whatever comes to mind.

Right now I am sitting on a pile of clothes that is on my computer chair. The pile has been there for a number of days (probably around a week), and I haven't done anything about it. Underneath the clothes is a pillow, which I always keep on the chaiur because my desk is a very tall, very old writing desk, and its a stretch for my wrists to reach the table in any semi-comfortable manner. There is a pile of tank tops folded over the back of the chair; they have been there since the last time I did laundry. I ran out of hangers and there was nowhere to put them, so they've taken up residence on my chair.
My left wrist is trying to maneuver around the two post-its stuck to the left side of the mouse pad on my lap top. The top one has information about digital cameras, the bottomone has my pin for my application to Monroe CC. I suppose I don't really need either post-it anymore; I finished the application, and bought the digital camera.
To the left of my laptop is a multitude of mess. There are pens, a book jacket, my chechbook, a notepad with Nora's Florida address, a headband that I didn't end up wearing yesterday, a roll of tape, a pair of scissors, an old envelope that my last paycheck came in, a pair of gloves, and a pair of wirecutter pliers. To the right of my laptop, there is not so much of a mess; it consists of an opened Christmas card, some pencils, a doctors business card and a bank receipt.
The condition of my desk is basically the condition of my entire room: messy. My room has been messy for a good two weeks or so, maybe more, and I just haven't gotten around to cleaning it. Perhaps it is a lack of time, or rather, lack of the will to do it in the small amount of free time that isn't spent sleeping. These days I wake up late, have breakfast at noon, read or watch tv until I go to work, afetr which I come home, have dinner, and generally read or watch tv or go on the computer. The days all melt together because nothing is ever really different. My schedule hasn't changed in a month, and I am not being challenged intellectually. I am sad to have to admit that the last book I read was a gossip book on the royal family. My current book is a fictional account of the Olympics. My roommate, who took about a year off from school, once commented that she felt stupider with every passing day; the longer she stayed away from school, the harder it was for her to come across as intelligent. I sometimes feel like this, but I don't appear to do anything about it. I start to go crazy when I've been out of school for about three weeks or so. I get restless, as I am now, but don't have an outlet. True, I have many projects that I could theoretically do, but I seem to be a bit ADD when it comes to them. I have three journals to finish, one book of my father's poems to type, and a family history also to type. None are difficult, all are fairly interesting, but I'd sooner spend an hour on facebook. I suppose its the fact that the outcomes of all of my projects are basically pre-destined. I know what they will be, what they will or will not become, I know the words I'll use when I finally get around to it. Its ironic, all I seem to want in life is somewhat of a safety net, to know for once, where I am headed. However, when I have things in my life that are concrete and unchanging, all I want them to do is change.
I don't think I like this post very much, but I just looked at all that I have written, and at what I would like to delete, but if I deleted all of what I want to delete, there wouldn't be much of a post left to actually post. So, it stays as is, with only my minor deletions along the way. I'm still not too sure about this whole blog thing, but I'll give it a bit longer to see if anything comes of it.

18 December 2005

Thought(s) on Life

Something for everyone to mull over:

How many beautiful combinations of words are there in the universe that will never be heard by the ears of man? Are any sentences really new, just because they are a different combination of words from all the others? Are there any new sentences, new combinations of words, or have they all been used before? Do we need to create new words to say the same thing that we could say with old words but don’t want to because we want to be original? Can there be any completely new words to describe something that already exists?



And thus I begin...

I don't entirely know what to write as of yet, I'm hoping that this will be something of a creative outlet (god, I hate that phrase, its so cliche), and also that my spelling (or rather, typing) and grammar won't be too horrendous. Yeah, I have nothing creative or intellectual at the moment. To tell the truth (never a good thing), CitySports is draining my soul, and Nora is laughing at me as she is reading this (for keeping the CitySports line in, as I promised I would). So, the whole thoughts on life thing was something I did over the summer and it developed into questions on life rather than thoughts on life. Ironic, considering the trouble I had with an assignment to write about something you had always wondered about. I should have written about why I wondered about nothing. But then I guess I would have been wondering. Anyway, I apparently started wondering, and came up with some (hopefully) fairly interesting musings on life.

I leave all of you oh so fascinated blog readers with this:
W.H. Auden. Genius.