Thoughts about Whatever

Why is it that you don’t know your own limits until you surpass them? Why can’t you realize them when you hit them and then just stop there?

(The above is) another of my thoughts on life. Unfortunately, the rest of them are pretty much downhill from there, all about music, love, and/or drinking. While I'm thinking of it, I'm going to advertise for myself; I have an online portfolio at http://Writing.Com/authors/sweetpea3025, which you should all definitely check out. For those of you unacquainted with writing.com, with the site you can share a 5 piece portfolio and other members of the site can read your work and give you feedback. Its pretty cool, I've gotten a ton of really good feedback on my work (which is currently less than stellar).

I can't think of anything specific to write about, but at the advice of one of my past mentors, Nicole, I am going to freewrite about whatever comes to mind.

Right now I am sitting on a pile of clothes that is on my computer chair. The pile has been there for a number of days (probably around a week), and I haven't done anything about it. Underneath the clothes is a pillow, which I always keep on the chaiur because my desk is a very tall, very old writing desk, and its a stretch for my wrists to reach the table in any semi-comfortable manner. There is a pile of tank tops folded over the back of the chair; they have been there since the last time I did laundry. I ran out of hangers and there was nowhere to put them, so they've taken up residence on my chair.
My left wrist is trying to maneuver around the two post-its stuck to the left side of the mouse pad on my lap top. The top one has information about digital cameras, the bottomone has my pin for my application to Monroe CC. I suppose I don't really need either post-it anymore; I finished the application, and bought the digital camera.
To the left of my laptop is a multitude of mess. There are pens, a book jacket, my chechbook, a notepad with Nora's Florida address, a headband that I didn't end up wearing yesterday, a roll of tape, a pair of scissors, an old envelope that my last paycheck came in, a pair of gloves, and a pair of wirecutter pliers. To the right of my laptop, there is not so much of a mess; it consists of an opened Christmas card, some pencils, a doctors business card and a bank receipt.
The condition of my desk is basically the condition of my entire room: messy. My room has been messy for a good two weeks or so, maybe more, and I just haven't gotten around to cleaning it. Perhaps it is a lack of time, or rather, lack of the will to do it in the small amount of free time that isn't spent sleeping. These days I wake up late, have breakfast at noon, read or watch tv until I go to work, afetr which I come home, have dinner, and generally read or watch tv or go on the computer. The days all melt together because nothing is ever really different. My schedule hasn't changed in a month, and I am not being challenged intellectually. I am sad to have to admit that the last book I read was a gossip book on the royal family. My current book is a fictional account of the Olympics. My roommate, who took about a year off from school, once commented that she felt stupider with every passing day; the longer she stayed away from school, the harder it was for her to come across as intelligent. I sometimes feel like this, but I don't appear to do anything about it. I start to go crazy when I've been out of school for about three weeks or so. I get restless, as I am now, but don't have an outlet. True, I have many projects that I could theoretically do, but I seem to be a bit ADD when it comes to them. I have three journals to finish, one book of my father's poems to type, and a family history also to type. None are difficult, all are fairly interesting, but I'd sooner spend an hour on facebook. I suppose its the fact that the outcomes of all of my projects are basically pre-destined. I know what they will be, what they will or will not become, I know the words I'll use when I finally get around to it. Its ironic, all I seem to want in life is somewhat of a safety net, to know for once, where I am headed. However, when I have things in my life that are concrete and unchanging, all I want them to do is change.
I don't think I like this post very much, but I just looked at all that I have written, and at what I would like to delete, but if I deleted all of what I want to delete, there wouldn't be much of a post left to actually post. So, it stays as is, with only my minor deletions along the way. I'm still not too sure about this whole blog thing, but I'll give it a bit longer to see if anything comes of it.